Last Saturday evening I went to a contra dance. I changed into a skirt but kept the shirt I'd worn to work– a plain old unisex cotton t-shirt with an image of a cupcake on the front.1 The cupcake has a single candle and First Night Austin written on top. During the break, a middle-aged man approached me, staring at my chest, and said "Hey, cupcake." Then "Haha, I bet you're tired of hearing that," and then an attempt to start a conversation– his name, my name, do I regularly attend BIDA dances, etc. I was minimally polite, but disengaged as quickly as I felt I could.
Rape culture says: Don't wear that shirt any more. It's too tight; it draws attention to your breasts, which are too big anyway.
Feminism says: That interaction was not okay. His inappropriate behavior was not your fault. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable like that, ever, and screw you rape culture anyway.
I hate the fact that, though I've been consciously, intentionally living and thinking about feminism for longer than I can remember, the voice of rape culture is still the stronger of the two in my mind, and sooner to speak.
1I still have to remind myself that it's because of rape culture that I even want to write that this shirt is shapeless and high-necked. Insisting that I wasn't inviting attention is just another way of saying that some women are, and "inviting attention" is just another way of saying "asking for it." No one is ever asking for it.
Rape culture says: Don't wear that shirt any more. It's too tight; it draws attention to your breasts, which are too big anyway.
Feminism says: That interaction was not okay. His inappropriate behavior was not your fault. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable like that, ever, and screw you rape culture anyway.
I hate the fact that, though I've been consciously, intentionally living and thinking about feminism for longer than I can remember, the voice of rape culture is still the stronger of the two in my mind, and sooner to speak.
1I still have to remind myself that it's because of rape culture that I even want to write that this shirt is shapeless and high-necked. Insisting that I wasn't inviting attention is just another way of saying that some women are, and "inviting attention" is just another way of saying "asking for it." No one is ever asking for it.
